What’s the difference anyway?

Why do I write?

As a little girl I dreamed of dancing. I always thought dancing would be my future and my calling towards making an impact. But a couple years ago something within me shifted. I started having these profound thoughts that I felt the overwhelming sense to write down. Things would come to me and I would try to shake them, but something told me to write them down. Now here’s a back story, I’ve never been a writer, I’ve never had a particular interest in writing. I wrote a couple of short stories as a kid but nothing very good. But now I feel this pull towards writing and not short stories like I used to, but writing about the Christian life and my experience and devotional style writing. I still don’t like to write very much, I’d rather be doing something active and I really don’t think I’m particularly clever or insightful on my own. But when I feel this overwhelming sense of obligation to write and things start pouring through my fingers that I have never thought of before, then I must write them down. As I write scriptures come flooding to my head related to what I am writing, scriptures that I didn’t even know existed. When I am reading scripture, I read things that spark the need to write them down and elaborate. Never do I feel this with other books that I read. And only sometimes does this feeling wash over me, and it feels like a momentary obsession with my heart and mind racing. But then it is gone, when the feeling is gone then I cannot write. I cannot force myself to write whenever I want. I have tried, I will sit down with my laptop in front of me and I cannot think of anything to say, even if I am adding to what I have already written, it feels like a block. I can be in a flow and then all of a sudden it stops, my heart rate lowers and I cannot find words.

This I believe is a calling I have from the Lord. I cannot force it, I cannot stop it, and I cannot control it. I must succumb to His plan. I do not know why I have this calling towards writing on matters of scripture and the Christian walk, because I have always felt myself to be not particularly smart or wise. But I have slowly come to realize that it is not my wisdom being shared but rather God’s wisdom.

I feel closest to God when I am writing, it feels as though He is with me as I type. I used to feel that way dancing, and I still do occasionally. But I believe dancing to be my passion, and writing to be my calling.

You see, a calling is usually something that you cannot explain, it usually comes out of the blue and is the one thing you did not expect. The reason being, that it is God who gives you the calling and it is by His power that you are able to accomplish this. A passion is something you long to do and is often fueled by your ability and desire. A passion is the heart’s desire, a calling is the soul’s desire. One is of the flesh, the other is of the Spirit. Not that a passion is a bad thing, in fact it can be God given.

God designed us all for a reason, sometimes we never know the reason, sometimes He places it in our spirit to pursue His calling in our lives. Often we choose not to pursue His desire for us. But when you have a calling, only a fool would ignore it. I cannot claim to be wise, I can only claim to be a vessel which I am leaving in God’s hands. I cannot argue with this feeling, I can only trust it and pray that God uses me how He wants to.

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭9‬

This is a song that has been my prayer lately and I’d like to share it with you.

Lyrics

Narrow as the road may seem
I’ll follow where Your Spirit leads
Broken as my life may be
I will give You every piece

I hear You call
I am available
I say, “Yes, Lord”
I am available

Here I am with open hands
Counting on Your grace again
Less of me and more of You
I just wanna see You move

I hear You call
I am available
I say, “Yes, Lord”
I am available

And I hear You call
I am available
I say, “Yes, Lord”
I am available

My heart is open wide
My hands are open wide
Come do whatever You want to

Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all
Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all

Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all
Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all

Here I am, here I am (Jesus)
You can have it all, You can have it all
Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all

Everything I have to bring
Let it be an offering, oh
For the One who gave me life
Nothing is a sacrifice

Oh, use me how You want to God
Have Your throne within my heart

I hear
I hear You call
I am available
I say, “Yes, Lord”
I am available

It’s my joy, to say “Yes” to You
It’s my honour, to say “Yes”
Whatever it looks like
My response is “Yes”
My response is “All that I am”
All that I am, oh

Let the sound of surrender fill the room
‘Cause we love, we love, we love
To say “Yes” to You, Lord
We’re giving everything we have, oh
We give You everything we are, oh, oh

God, it’s my prayer, that my life, will be an offering
So if You can use anything, God, You can use me, Yes
Come and have Your way
Oh, use me how You want to, yeah

Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all
Here I am, here I am
You can have it all, You can have it all (such a sweet sound, sing it)
Here I am, here I am