I think we can all agree that miscommunications suck. Everyone hates feeling unheard and confused. This is especially difficult in a relationship. We want to always make sure we are being clear and effective with our communication with one another.

Staying in constant communication can build trust in a relationship. Think about it, if you want to build a relationship with someone, can you realistically begin to trust them if they never communicate and you are just left hanging all the time? Trust is built on communication. 

Two of the most important aspects to a relationship are trust and communication.

What is communication in this case? It can be anything from the small seemingly meaningless conversations throughout the day asking how their day went. This allows them to know you are thinking about them and that you care about their day. It can be telling them when you are about to be unavailable and they’ll have to wait. Or where and when you are going when you go out, what time you plan to be back or how long you’ll be gone.

Communication takes many forms, but nevertheless you must always remember to communicate with each other. Have a game plan for when you guys are available to talk or hangout. Check in with them to see how they’re doing. But always be clear with your communication especially when giving important information about something. 

Learn to effectively communicate with them and learn what level of communication you both need. Learn how you guys most effectively communicate. Some people don’t need frequent communication, they are fine with checking in once a day or so. Other people need constant communication, they need to know the plan and schedule. They need to know where you are and what you’re doing. Everyone has a different need in that regard and although it can be annoying if they have a need for high communication, it also means they are thinking about you often. It is just who they are as a person to need that assurance of what is happening. 

I am one of those people. I hate going hours without talking to those I care for, and even if I have to, I need time with them to catch up. I need a high level of communication to feel secure, it’s just who I am. I am always asking for the schedule and times for things. I need to have a plan in place and so I’m always asking people where they are and what they are doing. Some people don’t need that, they are perfectly happy going their own way. That’s fine too, it doesn’t mean they love you any less, it just means that’s not necessary for them.

It also means that you can’t let your communication slack, even if you don’t need a high level of communication, you still need quality communication. That means that although you don’t talk frequently, when you do, it needs to be meaningful and sincere. When you do talk frequently, don’t make assumptions. Be clear and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Learn how to communicate with each other. Some people don’t communicate well virtually like over the phone or texting. They need in person communication and experiences. Texting doesn’t work for everyone. Some people need in person interactions to be able to clearly understand instructions. Some people are perfectly fine with texting and would rather text than a phone call any day. Learning your partner’s communication style is vital in keeping strong communication. Know what they like so you can be effective in your communication. Maybe sticky notes are their preferred form of communication, it happens. But it takes getting to know their communication preferences in order to most effectively communicate.

Don’t sweat the small talk and especially don’t forget it. Small talk may seem tedious and boring and even meaningless, but it goes far deeper than talking about their day or the weather. It can lead to a deeper conversation or it can allow them to tell about their day in a safe place. I was reading a book recently and in the book the author talked about how he and his wife designated time each day where they gave each other their full and undivided attention for 30 mins each to just say whatever’s on their mind, to let loose all their issues of the day or the exciting things that happened, with no interruption. Then the other got a turn. This allowed them the safe space to be heard and know that they can let loose and get it off their chest then let it go. 

You may think this is ridiculous to go over this so tediously, but trust me when I say communication is the number one overlooked thing in a relationship. Miscommunication and lack of communication is a relationship killer for sure. So no matter how tedious or ridiculous it may seem to go over something like this, it’s needed more than you think.