Alrighty, this one is so important for those of you in a serious relationship. Everyone loves a good date night, right? I have seen so many couples who have been together for years and are married and have a couple kids and life has just become crazy for them, and guess what the first thing is to go in a relationship? Time with their spouse. I’ll see posts where the couple is like “first date night in two years!” That blows my mind. I understand being busy, but everyone has 24 hours in a day and time is just a matter of priorities… 

Soooo what have they been doing for those two years? Prioritizing their kids? Prioritizing their job? No wonder so many marriages fail. How on earth is a marriage supposed to last if you don’t prioritize spending intentional time with your spouse? This is one of the biggest pieces of advice I have learned from my parent’s marriage. They prioritize one night a week to spend together and have since they first got married. 

Now being busy is definitely a big factor, but once you put your foot down and develop that habit, your life does not become more important than your marriage. Your spouse deserves having alone time with you. They deserve it more than your job, and yes more than your kids. If you think about it, your kids are with you for about 18 years and then they move on. But your spouse is (or at least should be) with you for the rest of your life. So why wouldn’t you prioritize your relationship and your time with them? Then once their need is filled you can prioritize your kids.

So what’s my advice for you? Prioritize time with your significant other once a week. Even if it is just for an hour or two, set it aside, block it out on your calendar, but prioritize time with them at least once a week. Talk about your week, talk about how you are feeling, talk about your goals for this week in your life. Reassess how your relationship is, and where you are at in it. This is called a relationship check in. Let me tell you something, these are a game changer, because they provide you with the opportunity to have set aside time to talk through your relationship. If there’s something that is bothering you then that is a good time to bring it up. 

Now be careful to make sure it doesn’t turn into a rant session or a lecture. They should look more like constructive criticism or accepting advice. Go into every relationship check in with an open mind and open heart. Come with the goal to grow your relationship and get to know each other better. For example, ask questions like “what have I done this week to show you love?” Or “what have I done this week that has bothered you?” Things like this open up the conversation to constructive conversation to build each other up. 

Once you have prioritized a weekly check in, then you can begin to prioritize a date night for fun. Maybe your weekly check in turns into a date night once a month. If you live a busy life, it is even more important to prioritize time with your significant other. Because otherwise you guys will allow your life to pull you apart until it seems like you live totally separate lives and you hardly know each other. That’s no way to build or maintain a relationship. If you think about it, on average you spend 8+ hours apart at work. On average people spend more time with their coworkers than they do their family members. So is your job more important than your family? 

What about your buddies? Do you prioritize a guys night or a girls night more than a date night?

Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking what do I know about all this? I’m not married and I’m not even in a relationship, I have no clue what it’s like to be married and live a crazy life. Well let me just share a little secret with you. I live an insanely busy life. Most days I leave my house at 8:00am and get home at 7:00pm or later, some days not until midnight. Other days my time is packed with meetings or catching up on household chores. Here’s the catch, I still find time to prioritize my family. I still set aside certain days and times of the week that no one can touch because that is my time with my family. If I can do that for my sisters, then I think you can do that for your spouse.

Time is a matter of priorities, again I ask, where are your priorities? Do you prioritize time with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you prioritize time with your spouse? Why not? I challenge you to assess your priorities and make time to spend with your significant other weekly. It’s so incredibly vital. The thing is, when you are dating or courting, that’s all you do in your relationship, is date nights and hanging out and getting to know each other. Why is it so hard to continue that priority of getting to know each other throughout your entire marriage? It should be more important now than it was before you said “I do”.