Navigating Singleness While Preparing for Marriage

Oh boy, if you are single yet desiring to be in a relationship and married, that can be a hard place of waiting. But there is so much good to come from that season. Instead of calling it a season of singleness, call it a season of readiness. A season of preparation. Focus on preparing yourself to be the husband/wife that God wants you to be. You can spend your time readying yourself for the future. Focus on your relationship with God so that by the time a relationship does come, you have a strong relationship and are confident in who God made you to be.

My mentors taught me that there are essentially 5 walks of life. Spiritual, Social/Relationships, Emotional, Physical, and Financial. Being single gives you the perfect opportunity to focus on growing yourself in each area of your life without all the distractions that come from being in a relationship. What might it look like to grow yourself and prepare yourself within the context of each walk of life? Let’s talk about that. 

Spiritual: If you are a Christian your relationship with God should be the biggest priority in your life. Absolutely nothing should come before your relationship with Him. That also means that you should be well grounded and firm in your faith, able to withstand any temptation or distraction that may come. I am currently reading Boundaries in Dating and one of the chapters is titled “Take God on a Date” and essentially what that means is, your relationship with God should be strong and stable and not ebb and flow due to your relationship status.

Regardless of whether you date a strong Christian or an unbeliever your faith will be challenged, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing and it all depends on how sturdy your faith is. Prepare yourself by being intentional with your devotional time with God. Pray continually, in every circumstance. Really seek God’s will and presence in your life. Ask to be filled with the Spirit. You get the picture. 

I have also been learning a lot lately on the concept of waiting and some reasons why God may be waiting to send someone into your life. One thing I heard recently is that our job as Christians is to spread the gospel and expand the Kingdom of God. If you are considering dating, you need to examine closely whether or not the person you choose helps you in the mission of spreading the gospel. If they limit or distract from your ability to further the Kingdom of God then they are not the one for you. This means that until God brings someone who can exponentially increase the Gospel along side you, don’t stop carrying out the mission set before you.

Social: Hey just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t focus on your relationships still. I encourage you to be intentional about strengthening the relationships you do have, family, friends, co-workers, etc. Your social walk is described as your interactions with other people. Are you bringing positivity to those around you, or are people more excited when you leave? How do you treat those around you? Take the time to strengthen the relationships that mean the most to you, and if necessary weed out the toxic ones. This will prepare you for when the time comes and you get into a relationship, your other relationships don’t suffer. Because you were intentional with giving them the time and attention they deserve. This can also help to fill that hole of loneliness.

Emotional: We all go through ups and downs but it is important to make sure that you stay mentally strong no matter the circumstances. Does that mean you won’t have sadness or other negative emotions? No of course you will, but it means you don’t let the little things cloud your judgment or put a tint on your view of the world. It is important to use this time to become emotionally stable and resilient. All of that has to do with also learning to love yourself and recognize who you are in God’s eyes. You need to come into your God given identity and become grounded in who you are. 

My heart grieves for this generation and the precedence that has been set of boasting in your emotional instability and the common practice of showing off how insecure you are. I understand that we all go through struggles, but I also see the damage it is causing in glorifying emotional instability. Girls as young as 8 or 9 are talking about having anxiety or how it’s normal to have emotional breakdowns. It hurts me because that is their childhood and society is pushing big emotions on them that they have no business glorifying. Yes everyone deals with struggles and they need to be worked through but I really don’t think it’s biblical to boast about crying four times a day and having an emotional breakdown or anxiety attack because your room colors don’t match or a stranger said hi. 

I’m not saying it’s wrong to have these emotions, I’m saying it’s wrong to post all over social media or brag about it. If you are having emotional issues, seek counseling, talk to someone, pray! God will give you peace if you ask for it. I deal with anxiety too, and never once have I needed anything but God. As soon as my chest starts to get tight and my heart starts skipping beats and my stomach starts getting tied up in knots, I know it’s time to pray and cast my anxiety on Him and He will give me peace. I have also learned that a few very deep breaths while praying are highly effective.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ 

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭7.

Physical: You heard me right, physical. Guys, this one is probably your favorite. You gotta get ripped for the ladies, right? While girls you’re probably thinking about your bikini body for the summer. But your physical walk is not all about looks. I do believe it is important to present yourself in an appropriate and attractive manner. Be well dressed and presentable. But I’m not just talking about looks. I’m talking about your overall health. How is your health? How is your eating? Are you getting enough nutrients, sleep, water, rest? This time is for you and your self care. With less distractions that gives you more time to make sure you are healthy. If being fit and muscular is something that is important to you, then by all means pursue what makes you happy and healthy. 

Financial: Heyy who doesn’t want more money? Guys, you’re single, which means you’re not blowing half your money on dates, let’s be wise with that money. I highly highly recommend getting on a budget. Chances are you likely are looking to get married one day or at least own your own home, so why not start saving now? I personally have a goal in my budget to save every month in order to save up for my future wedding, home, and all the other expenses that come with adulting. If I don’t start saving now, I’m going to be wishing when the time comes to have my wedding dress altered, that I had saved some money for that. Or I’ll regret it when I’m pregnant and needing a stroller but I spent it on coffee when I was 23. You see, you have to take control of your finances now before it’s too late. I promise you that money will always be in high demand and a need, so why not save yourself stress while you have less expenses? I assure you, supporting a family is more expensive than an Xbox or the newest phone.

Besides just saving, this is your time to hustle and work to build up that income. Men especially, this is not the time to play around and waste your money on trivial things. Use your time to become financially stable so that when God does bring a woman into your life, you have the means to support or even spoil her. Here’s a tip from an insider, women are not looking for a lazy dude living in their mom’s basement playing video games with a part time job. Oh no! We are looking for a man who has a stable job, steady income, and his own place. This shows dedication, ambition, independence, and a good work ethic. It doesn’t matter how sexy you look, you gotta be able to support a family, and I promise you will become 10x more attractive.

Women, this isn’t just for the guys. You have the responsibility to also prepare yourself financially. Although it is less of a coveted attribute for women, it still carries the same meaning. Men see women with a stable job and steady income as being dedicated, stable, ambitious, and a hard worker. Whether you believe the husband should be the sole provider in a relationship or not, a woman should still go into any marriage with the finances to assist with the early stages of a marriage. Weddings, honeymoons, and first houses cost a lot. Why not use your time as a single to prepare yourself to help out when needed? 

I found this scripture that I think summarizes this section of preparation well.

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭32‬-‭34‬ 

Here’s a question I want you to ask yourself. Am I the type of person I would want to marry? This plays into the law of attraction which states that like energy attracts. While I don’t believe in the new age thinking that is implied, it is still a valid fact. Think about it, if you are looking for a Christian who is strong in their faith and ministry driven, do you really think they are intentionally looking for a lukewarm Christian who really just acts as a benchwarmer for church? No, that’s going to immediately turn them off. They are looking for someone with similar values. Depressed or whiny people don’t usually attract happy positive people. So where am I going with this? Become the person you would want to marry! What are the attributes and values you are looking for? Develop those for yourself. You want a hardworker, you gotta become a hard worker. You want a well kept appearance, keep a well kept appearance.

God sometimes causes us to wait in order to prepare us for the future. Some people require patience in order to grow into who God wants them to be. So if you find yourself seemingly stuck in the waiting, buckle down and use your time wisely. Focus on your relationship with God and who he wants you to be, and He will bring the right person in the right time.