Part 1

Marriage

“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam. And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva. So tweasure your wuv”

This might very well be the most iconic wedding scene from any movie. But there’s some truth to it, as comedic as it might be. Let’s talk about what Marriage looks like in scripture.

I really hope you all have read through my series on relationships as well as my post on Biblical Gender Roles. Because I have already written extensively on those topics, I will not talk about the things already addressed like submission and gender roles. So if you have not, I recommend stopping here and reading those first. Mostly because I would like this post to specifically talk on the culture vs scriptural view of marriage. We’ll be tackling three main questions that often come up in regards to marriage.

What is the purpose of marriage?

What should a marriage look like?

Does it last forever?

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. ‘ Genesis 2:24

I think once we dive into the first question, the others will fall into place. The second is one I have talked about a lot already so I will be referencing and implying like you know what I’m talking about. So let’s start with breaking down what the purpose of a union between man and woman is all about. The only proper way to start a topic like this is with scripture.

The Advantages of Companionship

I observed yet another example of something meaningless under the sun. This is the case of a man who is all alone, without a child or a brother, yet who works hard to gain as much wealth as he can. But then he asks himself, “Who am I working for? Why am I giving up so much pleasure now?” It is all so meaningless and depressing.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

This passage describes the life of a single man as meaningless, which is interesting if you look at it from the lens of 1 Corinthians 7 in which Paul says it is better to remain single. So which is right? Neither are wrong, they both are right. But how can that be? You see marriage is an image, a tool, a vessel. It is not a goal or a right or a privilege. God has a divinely ultimate plan for each of his followers, marriage may be a part of that for some and not for others. 

Why might God choose to not include marriage as a plan for some? That’s a good question, the answer is all about the spread of the gospel and Spiritual gifts. Our mission and purpose as Christians is to spread the Gospel. Our entire lives should be Kingdom focused. God has uniquely designed each person with a set of skills and a calling to further the Kingdom in some way. That’s what Paul was talking about. As humans we are created to need connection with one another, but it doesn’t have to come through marriage. 

Our connection should always be first and foremost to the Father then, to other humans. If we are married then our spouse and if not, our family and friends. So that brings us full circle back to Ecclesiastes. That passage describes the need for companionship, to do what? To stand back-to-back and conquer. Together we conquer the evil in our world. 

Therefore the purpose of marriage can be found through the conquering of evil and spreading of the Kingdom. I like this concept of a Kingdom marriage. Because as we know marriage is the picture of the relationship of Christ to the church. The very concept of marriage was set up to point us back to salvation. To be a picture of eternity even.

We know that marriage is a divine institution between one man and one woman whereas the man is the head (Christ) and the woman his arms and legs and heart (church). But what does the culture say about marriage?

A lot of what we see in culture today is purely selfish, and that includes marriage. Many people choose marriage because it is out of a selfish desire to fill some status quo or need. But it isn’t easy, nor should it be selfish, but rather sacrificial. I think that’s why we see so many divorces in society. Too many people were taught that marriage should serve as a goal, a prize, or an object to fulfill a need. When marriage is truly a covenant, a sacrificial promise for better or for worse.

On the flip side too many see marriage as a four letter word and won’t touch it with a ten foot pole because of their selfishness. They see the sacrifice and holiness of marriage as something too restricting and dangerous to their fleshly desires. They would rather have the freedom to bow out when things get tough without consequence. I’ve also already talked a lot about sexual sin so I won’t bore you with another lecture on sleeping with people outside of marriage. But I think we can all agree this is not the right way to handle the responsibility of marriage. 

Honestly if one’s mindset is so selfish they are not even willing to hold themselves and their partner to the dignity and respect they deserve, and instead choose to fulfil their sexual pleasures without consequence of the future. Then I’d argue they were never ready to pursue a relationship at all (more on that in my relationship series). And would in turn be a detriment to our calling of spreading the Kingdom. Because how can you blatantly pursue sin while actively sharing grace?

So where does that leave us in this question? Marriage is a tool in which God uses to join two people in unification for the Gospel. But is that the only purpose for marriage? No, remember the purpose in Ecclesiastes was also for companionship and the need for community. But also another calling God gave humans, which is the first commandment ever given, and that is to be fruitful and multiply. This also falls right in line with the spreading of the gospel because we are training up the youth and the army of the next generation. 

Did you know that the Muslim faith is the fastest growing religion right now, and it’s not because of evangelism? Rather their doctrines encourage multiplication for the furthering of their faith. It teaches having many wives and kids so that the faith can live on. But Christians often forget this command. Instead they would rather opt for “saving the environment” or “sparing children of this fallen world”. 

‘And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” ‘ Genesis 1:28

It was God who commanded all his children to be fruitful and multiply-to have dominion over the earth. If the two examples above of excuses are anything; they are a slap in the face of God in thinking we know better than him. But that is a precursor for another lesson. 

Marriage is what brings us together today. That blessed arrangement. The dream within a dream, that will follow you forever. That’s it, marriage is forever. But is it really forever? I will leave you with this one final passage and thought before we head into the next subject of Divorce.

‘The same day Sadducees came to him, who say that there is no resurrection, and they asked him a question, saying, “Teacher, Moses said, ‘If a man dies having no children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.’ Now there were seven brothers among us. The first married and died, and having no offspring left his wife to his brother. So too the second and third, down to the seventh. After them all, the woman died. In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her.” But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by God: ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living.” ‘ Matthew 22:23-32

There are only two ways to end a marriage, divorce and death. In this passage, Jesus talks about the resurrection. Many religions believe that when you pass away you will remain married in eternity. But I believe this to be in direct opposition to the scripture. We also know that in passages like Romans 7, Paul speaks of death as an abolishment of the ties to marriage freeing up the living spouse to marry again. So marriage will not appear in the Kingdom according to Jesus. Therefore Marriage technically is not forever, but it is for your lifetime.

So in conclusion, marriage is a holy covenant to bring unification of two people into a singular mission to further the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. Whether that be through evangelism, teaching, the raising up of their children, or any number of Spiritual Gifts God grants us. Marriage will last “for as long as you both shall live” and when the Lord calls you home, to live in knowledge that your mission was well served.