Jesus and The Ten Commandments

“You must not commit adultery.”

Exodus 20:14

““You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:27-32‬ 

“‭Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.””

Matthew 19:3‭-‬12 

So I think Jesus does a solid job with explaining this one. I’m not sure it takes much elaborating on this subject. It’s simple, we all know that adultery (cheating) is wrong. It hurts everyone around us, including us. It destroys families and marriages. But Jesus wanted to make it go even deeper than just the typical view of adultery.

Purity

Because it is a matter of the heart, even thinking about someone in a lustful manner is adultery. If you are not married and committed to that person, then you are not joined together as one and should, therefore keep your minds pure. Even engagements have been known to break off. So they are not yours to think about in that way until there has been a signed marriage certificate and vows taken before God. Should you indulge in those thoughts, not only does it arouse desire when you cannot satisfy that desire, but it also causes you to shift your focus from being Kingdom and Christ minded, to being flesh minded. Paul instructs us countless times to control the desires of the flesh because they are temptations from Satan. 

Galatians 5:16-26 “Living by the Spirit’s Power“

“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

We know that premarital and extramarital relations are not Christ-like so why would we indulge those thoughts? Premarital/extramarital relations only serve to hurt you, your partner, and God. Should that relationship fail (which statistically is likely if you engage in premarital relations) then when you do get married and join as one to your spouse, you have that past hanging over your head. Any time you become intimate with your spouse, you are comparing it to your past experiences. It ruins your marriage and the purity of intimately knowing your spouse alone. Those thoughts and experiences can never be undone. They will always occupy a part of you, that being said, you can repent and ask for forgiveness and the Lord will remove the burden of the sin from you. Am I saying you are absolutely ruined if you give in to sinful temptations and indulge yourself? No way, I am saying that it is a sin and you will have to suffer those consequences, but I do believe you can be made pure again with God’s forgiveness and a willingness to surrender. 

A friend of mine recently recommended a book to me called “Communication, Sex, and Money” it is a marriage book on all the nasty topics in marriage. The specific chapter he had me read was on the “Glory of Virginity” and my word, I was awestruck at what I read! The chapter talks about the importance of purity before marriage and then it went on to describe the beauty of what it means to be sexually pure before your wedding night. The author depicted this scene of a man and woman preparing to share in the first sacrament of marriage and, forgive me for the detail, but the literal blood covenant that occurs during a couple’s first time. You see, when a woman has sex for the first time and her hymen is penetrated it rips, causing blood to be shed. That blood forms the symbol of a covenant between husband and wife before God in the holy sacrament of a sacred blood covenant. When you enter into a Godly, pure marriage, you are entering into a covenant, sealed by blood, unbreakable in the eyes of God.

Modesty

Now here is the mistake that the purity culture makes, they drive home the point of girls being the problem with causing sexual sin and once you give in, you’re ruined. It is equally a joint effort of indulgence in sinful desires and allowing yourself to give in to temptation. It is not more one person’s fault than the other. It takes two to tango, so they say… Yes girls should dress modestly, mostly because our bodies are a temple of God and to be respected as such. Modesty is more a heart issue than a clothing issue. If you are flaunting yourself then that is a problem in your heart. I personally have chosen to dress modestly because I believe my body to be a Temple of the Lord and not my own, and wearing immodest clothes directs the attention onto me and not onto the Lord, I may have an attractive body but I do not allow that to be an attention getter. I desire the light of Christ to shine brighter than my body.

Modesty goes for guys too. Despite what society will tell you, girls are attracted to physical features too, that’s not just a guy thing. So guys need to be thinking about modesty as well. I personally believe that a guy going shirtless is the same as a girl in a crop top. Girls can be turned on by a guy’s abs as easily as a guy can be turned on by a girl’s boobs. They are equally attractive. So don’t tell me modesty is just a girl issue. In the same respect, both guys and girls are subject to lustful thoughts and should therefore control their thoughts, trust me, I know.

Solomon wrote in Song of Solomon three different times, the exact same instructions; 

Song of Songs 8:4 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Song of Songs 2:7 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Song of Songs 3:5 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (I’ll throw in this totally unnecessary disclaimer that even though this says daughters, we can surmise that this is true for both men and women).

I do believe, that Solomon was stressing the topic of modesty and temptation and how men typically lust for women based on physical appearance, and women should not behave or dress in a way that provokes those feelings. That being said, men need to guard their minds and capture their thoughts so that they do not indulge them and allow temptation to win. Lust is a tricky sin because it feels so good and so right at the moment, but it is so damaging. It is hard to resist lust when it creeps up on you and you start down a rabbit hole of desire. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 Paul instructs us countless times to control the desires of the flesh because they are temptations from Satan. He tells us to focus on positive, pure admirable thoughts rather than lustful and harmful thoughts. 

Pornography

I’d like to dive even deeper and push a few more buttons while I’m at it, if I may. Another form of adultery that has become acceptable in culture these days is pornography. It has become a common tool for people when they feel lonely or are going through a season of singleness. They can turn on a screen and satisfy a desire. Except for one little piece most people deny, it doesn’t satisfy anything. It will never fill the missing hole. It will never make you feel more loved. It only serves to indulge your sinful desires of the flesh, and ruin your view of intimacy. It will haunt your thoughts and always corrupt your mind. Most who use pornography will become addicted because it never satisfies that longing and it only causes you to want it more. If you or someone you know has struggled with a pornography addiction, get help. You can turn to someone you trust who will help you break that addiction and as always I am here for anyone who needs someone to confide in. But the biggest thing and the only way to break any addiction, is through trusting fully in God and crying out to him for deliverance. God is the only thing that will give you complete deliverance and freedom and satisfy that desire. 

Divorce

So now I am going to push some other buttons, and talk about divorce. You heard it straight from the master’s mouth “But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” Divorcing your spouse for any reason other than unfaithfulness (or abuse but I’ll get to that) is adultery. Marrying a divorced person is committing adultery. God designed humans to be life partners. He designed us to be completely monogamous for life (I.e. the blood covenant). We were not designed to bounce around with our partners.

This is one of the reasons it is important to not date when you are young, but rather hold off until you are ready for marriage and then begin courting. Dating is divorce training, courting is dating with intention. It is teaching you how to love them and lose them and have fun while doing it. But courting can be just as fun, but instead of floundering around, you are having serious conversations to see if you are compatible for marriage. Because if you are not and you spend all your time having fun and end up getting married, you’re going to realize 5 years into the marriage that they didn’t want to have kids (for example) but you do and now it is too late and one of you has to suffer the consequences. But if you are courting, you can still have fun and go on dates but you are asking them the serious questions so that you go into a marriage fully prepared and knowing that you are compatible. This will save the likelihood of disagreements over the big issues that often lead to divorce. It is also imperative that you go into each relationship evaluating whether or not they would make a good life partner, because otherwise the relationship is completely pointless and leads to divorce training.

So when is divorce okay? Jesus says divorce is only acceptable when one spouse has committed adultery, but he is very clear to say that remarrying so long as your spouse is alive is still committing adultery. I’m just repeating what Jesus said in Matthew chapter 5; “But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” I’ve gotten flack about bringing this up before, but I’m sorry, the Bible doesn’t lie and Jesus is The Truth, so I don’t know about you but I believe there is no gray area with what Jesus says.

There is also a verse in the Bible that talks about marriages that are unequally yoked.

“But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭10‬-‭17‬ ‭

Now I’ve also had the question brought up to me about abuse. What if abuse is the reason for divorce? That’s a hard question to answer, because situations were different in bible times and there was no room for spousal abuse without dire consequences (aka stoning). Here’s my two cents, I believe that is an acceptable reason for divorce. I think it is a dangerous situation and it is unhealthy to remain in that relationship. That being said, unfortunately the damage is done, and you were married to them, therefore according to Jesus, remarrying while they are still alive would still be adultery. That is a hard and uncomfortable truth, and unfortunately that is one of the consequences of sin being prevalent in this world.

However, it is not a lost cause, I do believe that God works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 5:8) So therefore, I believe that God can turn a bad situation good. He can forgive you of your sins and heal the hurt done by others. Whether remarrying after an abusive marriage is a sin or not, the Bible says yes, but God may have other plans. That’s where a deep and unwavering faith in God and a strong relationship built on communication with Him comes in handy. I believe there are many marriages that have come after abusive ones that were absolutely blessed by God.

This is also where that whole courting comes in handy, because it allows you the space and time to get to know your potential spouse and evaluate their true intentions. Courting is vital because it emphasizes developing a relationship that is surrounded by other people to keep you accountable. Part of their job is to catch red flags for you and bring them to you. This would dramatically decrease the amount of abusive relationships, if handled properly.

Conclusion

So in conclusion, we see that adultery is an issue of the heart and Jesus calls us to be unlike the world and to stand out. In a world where sexual sin runs rampant and is glorified, as Christians we need to stand firm in our faith, unwavering in our hearts. We must build a strong relationship with God so as to use Him as a crutch in times of weakness. He is there for you to lean on, that’s why Christianity is a relationship. God desires us to ask Him for help and He is ready and able to lend a hand whenever we cry out to Him. The world sees no problem with sexual sin so it can be very hard to break out from the mold. The world tells you it’s good and fun and right, they teach kids from a very young age to explore that side of themselves. They hand out condoms like candy in high schools. How can we possibly survive this world without God to lean on?