Ask them what blesses them, and what is something you can regularly do to make them feel special and appreciated.

I love this concept so much. It allows you the safe space to grow in your ability to encourage them. It helps to make them feel more loved. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel more loved?? I highly encourage you ask them what you can do on a daily basis to bless them. Maybe it’s something as simple as asking them how their day is going or how their day went. To some people, asking about their day can show that you care about them. To them, that’s a big deal!

You never know until you ask, and this is such a special and important conversation to have. It will bless your relationship so much and help you to kindle the love between you two. You really don’t know what makes them feel loved and appreciated until you ask. What if there was something you thought was silly, so you’ve never done it? It turns out they don’t find it silly. They actually feel like it would make them feel so special if you did that regularly. You just have to open up the conversation.

For example, say they love it when you hold their hand when walking places. You always thought that it was silly to go to the effort of holding hands. It felt pointless to let go when you get inside. But that’s always something they’ve loved and really enjoyed. It’s the little things like that, and all it takes is asking and you can fulfill that pleasure for them. That’s genuinely one of the most beautiful components of a relationship. Being able to fulfill one another’s needs and making them feel special daily is important.

I highly encourage you to open up the conversation with them and see what they say. They might say you are doing everything perfectly. They can’t think of anything more you can do. First of all, that’s debatable. There’s always new ways to show your love. Maybe suggest bringing back something you used to do but stopped. Secondly, find new ways anyway. You should always be looking to expand your capacity for love and looking to sow into your relationship to keep it fresh and alive. Never stop finding new ways to show love to them. Otherwise that is how marriages and relationships die.

This is one of the reasons I highly suggest relationship check-ins regularly. It allows you a scheduled time to talk about your relationship. You can also discuss how to bring it to the next level. Because remember, love is a verb and it takes initiative and work to keep the spark alive. You should be actively seeking to sow into your relationship and bless them and show them love. You cannot just ride a feeling until kingdom come. If you did that, then it would never have actually been love you based your relationship on, but rather lust. Love requires action even when you don’t feel like it, or when you’re mad, or tired. Love is not a feeling.

There are many studies to show that the initial “honeymoon stage” lasts about two years after meeting. So what happens if you ride out the length of your relationship on feelings and that honeymoon stage? All of a sudden, things start to change. The newness wears off. If you never actually built a solid relationship based on trust, communication, and friendship, then what do you have at the end of the day? What do you have when the feelings go away? So establish systems in your relationship that allow you the ability to show love even when you aren’t in the mood or when the feelings die.

For the Married:

This part is for my married ladies. Yes I am going to be assuming some major gender roles but this is only because that is how I believe God created men and women to be. It is literally built into our DNA, Biology, and Physiques. Men are biologically stronger and faster. Men are built for work. Women were built for nurturing and caring. Women are literally biologically made to be softer and more emotional. Men are biologically predisposed to be stronger, even from a natural sedentary lifestyle. Cancel me if you want to but these are scientific facts, and I can give you the evidence if you want.

Back to the subject on hand. Whether you are a stay at home wife/mom, or you work, there are still ways you can treat your husband at home. You may not be spending all day at home, but I am sure you at least cook. I am sure you clean and I can guarantee you, that you spend some time with your husband. So why is this important? Because it is your job as a wife to nurture and care for your husband. So why not go above and beyond and make him feel special just because you love him?

Learn what his favorite meal is and surprise him with it every once in a while. Imagine how special he will feel! Let’s not even start with the reciprocation that occurs when your man feels special (if you know what i’m saying). I mean how hard is it to go out of your way for him every once in a while? Is it really too much to ask? If you aren’t very good at cooking, what a great way to learn. You might even ask his mom to help you. If you mess up or burn it or it’s not perfect, who cares, the important thing to remember is that you tried. That’s all he cares about. 

Now I know, you are a busy lady with all that you have going on. But it is so important to make sure your home is a safe space for you and your family. Part of that is cleaning the house. Even if he doesn’t inherently seem like he cares, he will appreciate coming home to a clean house regardless. Studies show that living in clutter causes additional stress. Why not do your best to reduce the amount of stressors put on your man by eliminating one that is in your control?

Hey don’t get me wrong, I know you work hard in your busy day. You would love nothing more than to collapse on the couch at the end of the day and just stay there. But I hate to break it to you. Your husband had a long day too. So get up and greet him when he comes home. Don’t just tell him “hi” from the couch, actually stand up, walk over to him and hug and kiss him. I know it seems meaningless but it is so meaningful. I can guarantee you this will make him feel so special and light him up. If he had a bad day, it just got better, if he had a good day, it just got better. 

I’ll say it until the cows come home because some people don’t actually practice this. Relationships are about humbling yourself. They are about submitting to your person and loving them with a selfless love. That means it’s not all fun and games. You have to put in a little work to maintain a healthy relationship. Find ways to make your husband feel special at the end of the day.