So I know trauma is a bit of a buzz word lately and I’m not here to discredit or bring anyone down. But I am here to bring light to a problem that I see both in culture and in my self. A lot of people like to dwell on their past and continually bring up traumas that have no right being resurrecting. Traumas are a horrific experience that occurs to a person, and the last thing you want to do is have to relive that experience and the feeling associated with them continually. The only way to heal is to move forward and let the past go.

I only say this because I see a lot of people who “trauma bond” with someone and that is the foundation of their relationship, or people who rely on their partner to help heal them. Sadly, although the hurt we have experience plays a part in who we are today, it is a terrible foundation for a relationship. Really that should be God’s place to bring healing and soothe our wounds. The people around us can be a support system for us in our journey but it shouldn’t be the make up or reason for a relationship. What happens when you do heal and you find out you have nothing in common?

Don’t get me wrong, I want to vent and tell all the dirty secrets of evils that have been done to me in the past to the people closest to me. But a budding relationship is not the place to do that. If all you do is complain and vent, then your relationship is void of positivity and grace.

Let me tell you a story that happened to me during a relationship of mine. I had a situation occur where I had some lies told about me that almost got me fired, and desperately ruined my reputation. I never told my boyfriend what was going on because there was nothing he could do about it other than help me lick my wounds. It certainly wouldn’t have been productive or necessary for our relationship. It didn’t hurt anything for me to handle it on my own. Now if the situation would have involved something to do with our relationship then I would have told him.

Now the same logic applies to a situation from the past. When you have been wronged in the past, unless it affects your daily life or relationship, then there is no need to bring it up. For example, let’s say you were involved in a traumatic car crash as a kid and now you often have panic attacks when in scary situations while driving. Those are totally valid feelings and would be an appropriate situation to mention when the time comes.

As a counteractive example, you constantly were teased and bullied as a child while at school which led to some insecurities. This is not a “trauma” worth mentioning. This is something that can be forgotten and forgiven and does not need brought up nor does it need to contribute to your identity. I am not disregarding the experience, but I am saying it’s not really traumatic enough to affect your life all that much.

So my advice to you is to let the past go. Don’t let it consume you and become your whole identity. That is what led to our culture being one of identity crisis. People are seeking worldly satisfaction rather than the peace and acceptance that can only come through Christ. Trauma does not need to be permanent. It does not need to affect you. It only takes ahold of you when you let it. So why would you burden your loved ones with something that can never change.

Romans 12:2, Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.