I was recently reading a new book on relationships, called For Women Only. Basically the premise of the book is it’s all the things guys don’t know how to tell you. The book has surveys that the author took from men of all walks of life and compiles it into this handbook for women. One of those chapters is about the unique wiring of men’s brains to create an instinctive pull to visually consume images of attractive women. This was a design that God placed in men since the beginning of time. It’s from this instinct that we get the stigma that “men are visual”.

Essentially men have a storage file in their brain marked “X file” to which it does not matter how hard this man tries to shove it down, lock it up, delete the file, it exists. And occasionally an unwanted image will flash up. It could be something as simple as a split second clip from a shampoo commercial (you know the idea). He saw it once and it burned into his X file.

The truth is men are wired to look, because that’s how God created them. In an ideal world the only woman a man could look upon would be his wife. God designed it that way so that a husband can fully enjoy his wife, even when he has to be away from the home providing for her. But instead we live in a world full of visual stimulation. Women dressing in skin tight or revealing clothing, suggestive advertisements in TV, X rated scenes in movies. It’s all a huge plot of Satan to keep men trapped. I will also mention that this is not solely a man issue, some women struggle with this too, although it is less common.

This is one of the driving forces to purity culture and the movement for women to cover up to prevent a brother from stumbling. But what if it goes much deeper than that? What if it’s more than just protecting him from future exposure? What stood out to me so much about this chapter is the sickening reality that our entire culture is aimed at making men fall prey to these visual temptations.

By far the story that made my heart wrench the most in the book, the one that made me decide to share this knowledge with you was the story of the author, her four year old son and her husband walking through a mall. At one point they noticed their son was no longer by their side, so they panicked and went looking for him. Only to find him frozen in front of the Victoria’s Secret window. He said to her “I like those ladies”, to which her husband asked “what about them do you like?” He replied with “their bare tummies” gesturing to his own stomach he said “They make my tummy feel good”. That’s what broke me, a four year old. He was way too young to even know what sex was, yet those images were created to insight physical sensations in even the most innocent of victims. If that isn’t enough to make you mad, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Coupling that with the fact that male brains store those images up for later means that little boy was now scarred for life with a permanent image living rent free in his little brain that Satan can use whenever he wants. This is exactly the kind of thing that leads to boys stumbling into pornography or engaging in sexual acts as a teenager. They learned that those things made their tummy feel good. It’s a plot rigged to end the innocence of our children and men.

Now, that doesn’t mean that all men just flip through the x files on their break, no, most God fearing men have the ability to take their thoughts captive and keep their minds pure. But it doesn’t negate the fact that we have a serious problem in our society and it’s only getting worse. Now with AI there’s nothing you can’t see. Did you know that there was a federal judge that just ruled that AI created child sex abuse material is protected under the First Amendment! Excuse me?! This is the kind of world we are fighting every day.

So how can we make it stop? Well if you’re a man reading this, it’s simple, not easy. Your best chance at preserving your purity of mind and saving your mental images for your wife, is just a few simple steps. It won’t stop the images from popping up and it won’t prevent you from being exposed, but it can be practical steps to guard against the exposure.

First I want you to remember this

1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1. Take your thoughts captive:

• 2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,”
• Philippians 4:8 (ESV) “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
• Romans 12:2 (ESV) “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

2. Find accountability:

• Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

3. Flee the temptation:

• 1 Corinthians 6:18 (ESV) “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

You men have the hardest job out there. The challenges you face, the battles you overcome, and all while society tries to bring you down is only through the grace of God that you can stay strong and fight back. It takes discipline to retrain your mind. It takes strength to walk through this world and honor God. It takes bravery to admit when you need help. But above all you have a God who created you the way he did for a reason, and that reason is to reflect Christ in how you live as men, fathers, brothers, leaders, and sons. The battle in your mind is not a sin, it is a calling to rise above the norms and set yourself apart, to be different. And when those X files contain nothing but your wife, well, God created it for a reason, so enjoy.

But if you are a woman reading this, know that your job is easy, not simple. It’s as easy as presenting yourself with modesty. In speech, in conduct, and in how you dress. It is not simple because we have to fight against the social norms that say it’s okay to dress however you want, and say whatever you want, and behave however you want. The world says it’s okay to sleep with whoever you want. So why is it not simple, because it’s like a delicate balancing act of not condemning others for what they wear but also not conforming to their patterns. Too many women brush this issue off saying that men just shouldn’t look, it’s not your fault men have dirty minds. Baby girl, a man can undress you in his mind no matter what you wear. Why make it easier for him to stumble? We as women ought to be supportive and come alongside the men in our lives to help them stay pure. They’re trying, but they need help from you. And if you’re married and your husband confesses to having a visual thought of another woman and he overcame it, don’t get mad at him. Love him through it, be there to support him and appreciate him.

For the love of all things holy, women, please act with humility and grace, lay aside your pride that says it’s his fault. As Christian’s, it is just as much our fault for the way we present ourselves. It is absolutely possible to be that cause of your brother’s stumbling with what you wear, say, and do.

• 1 Timothy 2:9 (ESV) “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,”
• 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
• Proverbs 11:22 (ESV) “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”
• 1 Corinthians 8:13 (ESV) Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.
• Romans 14:21 (ESV) It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.
• Proverbs 4:14-16 (ESV) Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble.

Let’s ladies stop the nonsense of him vs I when it comes to the issue of modesty. It is our job also to be a representation of Christ. Never once did the Bible say our struggles are ours alone. We are to help our fellow brothers and give them encouragement.

• Galatians 6:2 (ESV) “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
• Romans 15:1 (ESV) “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:9 (ESV) “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:10 (ESV) “For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

So who are we to think we are above the commands of scripture, to not take on the struggle of men and help them? It is clearly written in scripture that all Christians form the body of Christ and when one brother (sister) starts acting out of line it causes the entire body to become dysfunctional. And that is the consequence we are seeing everywhere, a body that is dysfunctional because we think this walk is for us alone.

I urge you both men and women to stand up against this fallen world and the sin that so easily ensnares us (Heb 12:1), to submit to God, resist the devil (Jam 4:7), and crucify the desires of the flesh (Gal 5:24). That we may lift one another up, to encourage one another, to build each other up for the perfecting of our faith (Jam 1:3-4).